Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
