lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
