Can i not drive my cunt home
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
