i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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