peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
