The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
