Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
