we have pet lesbian snakes
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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