When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
