So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
