i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
