Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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