you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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