I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well you can't waste a boner
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
