the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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