Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
home. puking in laundry basket.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
