his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
