There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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