Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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