I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
