My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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