theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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