im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
