Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Boobs are out for the taking
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
