i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
