operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
