So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
