she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
