he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
