I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
