Just fell off a train. Bad.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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