I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
