I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
