dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
