ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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