If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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