I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
