Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
