mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
