my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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