why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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