Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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