I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
