eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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