filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
