no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
