You made me cry and you don't even care
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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