I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
