we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
