Porn is love you can see.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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