She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
