her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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