Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
