Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
